I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I touched a dick in church today
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
