how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
