White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There r osticjed everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
