Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
