Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
