I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
