I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
