plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
