he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
