at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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