just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
