hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
