man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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