I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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