i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found your dick twin last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
