this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
