so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
