We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
