he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's blow job season.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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