I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
