At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
