those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
