She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
