Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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