its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
