Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
