There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
