yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
