Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
