he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
