dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
