That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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