happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
