That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
