I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
