There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
