exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
