he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
