dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I color on your dick again?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
