Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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