seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
