Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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