He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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