I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
