we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
