it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
