i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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