i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
