Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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