I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
